Apparently when I was a child I would often say, “Let me do it myself.” I do not know why I felt the need to be so fiercely independent all the time, but whatever the reason, this attitude is something many of us share. It is good to be capable without becoming overly dependent, but continually refusing to accept the help of another is not healthy emotionally or spiritually. To be resolutely independent, thinking we can or must do everything ourselves, is an act of pride; the difficult truth is that we simply cannot. To seek or accept offered help is an act of humility and an acceptance of our humanity. To refuse help can actually be sinful; not only is it prideful to think we do not need the other and the help they offer, but this attitude will probably manifest within our relationship with God, too. If there is anything I have learned it is that I need God for everything, and without Him, I would come to ruin. Even Jesus turned to His Father when He needed to discern something, and this was especially so when He needed the courage to undergo His Passion. As I sometimes need to remind myself, if Jesus needed it, how can I think I do not? 

There are many reasons that we can fall into refusing help, including ‘learning’ it as a defense mechanism or having an underlying disposition which suggests that we can or should do everything ourselves. Additionally, some people refrain from asking God for help because they think either what they need is somehow too small for God, or worse, they do not feel worthy of His help. They will intercede for others, but never ask God for any of their own needs. In these cases, not asking God for help when needed is actually false humility, a subtle form of pride that usually stems from a misguided sense of what it means to become holy. If we do not ask for help with our inner (spiritual) needs, our attitude toward God will manifest externally in our resistance to the help of our brothers and sisters, and so it goes, round and round. Remember, when we resist the help of others, we prevent them from offering the gift of loving service to us! *

However, there are many things we must do for ourselves, including decision making, so that we do not fall into an unhealthy life of dependency and lack of confidence. I especially want to point out a time when it is not only appropriate to do something that only we can do for ourselves, but which is absolutely necessary: making the effort to allow God to point out our needs and then responding to Him. As St. Augustine said, “Indeed, God, who created us without us, will not save us without us.” ** In other words, God, for whom nothing is impossible, will never force us to do anything, not even in accepting His gifts of love and mercy. Our free will is a gift He gave and He always respects it. He will not force us to accept that which saves us; we must choose it. Therefore, it is important that we discern carefully when to exercise our will to do something only we can do, and when we need to ask God to supply the graces we need. 

Lent provides an opportunity to look more deeply within so that we might assess where we are in our spiritual life. We basically know that the three aspects of prayer, almsgiving, and abstinence are at the core of this season, so perhaps in this context we can look at our relationship with the Lord when it comes to our approach to the graces and the help God continually offers. Pope Leo XIV has written a beautiful, clear message inviting our consideration of two main points this Lent which can assist our efforts. The first is listening: in our prayer he invites us to spend time listening to God more intentionally, especially to His word in Scripture. Remember, to listen is to receive, and so listening attentively followed by reflection is a way to receive from the Lord. Thus, when we are with others, our attention to them is an act of receiving them. The second concerns abstinence and fasting: while he emphasizes how fasting from food does help us to listen better, the Pope’s exhortation is that we especially fast from words that hurt others or which tear down instead of building up.***

​One of the readings proclaimed on Ash Wednesday implored us to return to the Lord with all our heart. (Joel 2:12) Thus, Lent is a time to come before the Lord so that we might grow in humility and holiness; it is a time to ask forgiveness for whatever we cling to that hinders our growth. In other words, Lent is a season which leads us to greater freedom as we walk more closely with the Lord. It is a time to recognize our spiritual poverty as we align ourselves more closely with the Lord who embraced the poverty of the Cross when all was stripped away that we might have eternal life. Only hands and hearts which are open and empty are capable of being filled with graces from God. And only when we are filled can we humbly share the abundance of our faith, hope, and love with others. Perhaps this Lent can be a time of growth in receiving so we might give, and a time of growing in true humility that we might glorify God by our heightened ability to love as He does.

May we work at listening and fasting from hurtful language as the Pope has encouraged! May we cooperate with grace that we might learn how to receive as well as to give! And may we learn to seek and accept the help of the Lord each day! Let us meet in the Heart of Jesus! Peace!

                                   ©Michele L. Catanese

* A suggestion to help with this is to pray with the account of the Last Supper in the Gospel of John in which Jesus tried to wash Peter’s feet and he refused out of a misguided sense of humility. To this Jesus said, “Unless I wash you, you will have no inheritance with me.” But Peter still did not understand that God knows exactly what and how much we need, so he said: “Then not only my feet, but my hands and head as well.” Of course this was not what Jesus was talking about; He said, “…as I have washed your feet, you ought to wash one another’s feet.” He modeled this to them in reference to imitating Jesus in humility, but we can also see that God knows what we need better than we do. (John 13:1-20)
A final note here: Everything we ask for is not to be ours. We might pray for something and not get it, and so we think our prayer is not efficacious or that God is not listening. God has wisdom we do not possess and He sees the larger picture for our lives. Therefore, when we do not get what we asked for we must be clear that God did answer and the answer is “No, this is not good for you at this time.” This is mostly the case when we are asking for tangible, visible things. If we ask for inner help, for healing, discernment or any other grace, God will not say no! (Remember, our inner needs are far greater than our external needs, as written about in my previous entry, Jesus Our Truest Friend.)
** This saying is found in St. Augustine’s Sermo 169, 11, 13: PL 38, 923. It is cited a number of times in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. One such place is CCC 1847. My comment: Our creation by God did not depend upon our participation: it was pure gift. Thus, it was in this same love that God also offered us the gift of freedom which therefore requires the responsibilities that accompany it. Hence, if we want to grow, we need to take responsibility for doing the work needed. 
*** https://www.vatican.va/content/leo-xiv/en/messages/lent/documents/20260205-messaggio-quaresima.html

​Images:
1. Painting; Jesus Goes Up Alone onto a Mountain to Pray (Jésus monte seul sur une montagne pour prier), by James Tissot (1886-1894); Brooklyn Museum, Wikipedia Commons, Public Domain
2. Painting; Samaritan Woman at the Well, by Artemisia Gentileschi (1637). The Samaritan woman could not save herself: she recognized this while interacting with Jesus and accepted the water only He could give. (John 4:4-42)
3. My photo; bridge into a castle in Kinsale, Ireland.
4. Painting; Bread, artist unknown.
5. Charcoal; Ashes, artist unknown. (Public Domain)
6. Image; Jesus Listen and Pray, by Fr. William Hart McNichols. If you are interested in obtaining a copy of this or any of his icons and images go to: fineartamerica.com/featured/jesus-listen-and-pray-251-william-hart-mcnichols.html

Note: In compliance with GDPR rules, I wish to make it clear that I do not gather any information on any of my readers at any time. 

Many of us have had the painful experience of being ditched by a ‘friend’ who we subsequently discover had only intended to use us in some way, especially because they have now attached themselves to someone else whom they deem more beneficial to their presumed status. They have ‘ghosted’ us; that is, they have disappeared from our lives, cutting us off totally, leaving only the pain of recognizing that true loyalty or mutual friendship was never intended nor existed. In this experience we are not alone: Jesus was abandoned by His followers on a number of occasions, especially when His teachings seemed too difficult to comprehend or when followers did not want to do something that required change within them. If Jesus fell out of favor with the authorities, they left Him in search of something or someone whose teachings were what they wanted to hear, or perhaps from whom they could get something that benefited their desires. I can imagine this was quite painful for Jesus since He came to save all people, especially those whose souls were in greatest peril of being lost. Therefore, we should be consoled because He truly understands. 

I recently read an article about a saint with whom some may be unfamiliar, St. Charbel Maklouf (1828-1898). Last November this saint was highlighted by Pope Leo XIV during his trip to Lebanon, (his first trip outside of Italy as Pope), when he prayed at his tomb. St. Charbel was a Maronite monk whose fame spread far and wide not only because of his wisdom, but because of the miracles which occurred through his intercession during his lifetime and which have continued to take place after his death. It is said that over 30,000 miracles have resulted through his prayer. More important than his miracles however, is who he was. St. Charbel was a humble monk whose four most prominent characteristics were prayer, silence, modesty, (humility) and simplicity. It is said that he prepared for two hours before he celebrated Mass and prayed for two hours after he finished. He is usually depicted with his eyes closed, as explained by Chorepiscopus Samer Nassif: “His eyes are closed because he is turned toward God; he belongs to Heaven.” There is much one can say about this wonderful saint, but to our point, it would be easy to turn to him only for what we want him to do rather than to learn from who he was. It is better to know him and imitate his virtues, becoming a true friend, rather than to only ask for his help. True friendship, spiritual or otherwise, is about mutuality; for a saint such as Charbel, our friendship is best offered by imitating his virtues and loving Christ better because of him.*

Let us turn to Jesus, (whom St. Charbel loved), and therefore consider one of the most obvious occurrences in His ministry concerning those who sought to ‘use’ Him. That Jesus was aware of this, and the lesson concerning this kind of behavior, was important enough for Mark to point out in his Gospel account.  I am referring to something Scripture scholars call the Messianic Secret, a term which refers to instances when Jesus would work a miracle and then tell the recipient not reveal that it was He who had healed them. The first thought we might have is “Good luck with that!” How could anyone be expected to receive sight, be freed from demonic possession, cleansing from leprosy or any other catastrophic illness, and keep it a secret? How could anyone hide the identity of the healer once their miracle was noticed by others? The answer is not that Jesus realistically expected them to hide their healing, but He was making an important point: He was trying to keep His identity as the healer unknown to help people to reorder their priorities. That is, He wanted people to follow Him not for what they could get, but rather for who He is. Just as none of us like being used by friends, Jesus did not want to be reduced to being merely utilitarian. He wanted people to truly hear His message and to change their lives that they may know the love and mercy of God rather than to be lost. We cannot grow or be set free from what hinders, nor find freedom, love, and mercy, without our hearts being healed. None of that is possible without a sincere relationship with Jesus.**

It is clear that Jesus is more interested in the state of our soul since the body will eventually decay; He desires that we understand that our soul is infinitely more important because it is eternal and it is the essence of who we are. He longs for our freedom from all that prevents true relationship with Him, to heal the wounds within our hearts, and to liberate us from attachments and distractions; without His help, we simply cannot achieve this. Jesus desires intimacy with us, simply put, because He loves us. And in the same way that we must follow Him for who He is, He wants to love us for who we are. That is, Jesus is not trying to ‘rack up’ followers, but rather, He wants us to know His mercy, His love, and His very Heart. Jesus desires our friendship, and He is our truest friend. As St. Augustine said, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” We can find this truest of friendship and love nowhere else, so let us look no further and let our hearts rest in Him.

May our hearts rest in Jesus alone! May we offer all of our relationships to the Lord that we might be truer in our friendships, living with forgiveness, mercy, and love! And may we grow in holiness to better love our Truest Friend, Jesus, with sincerity and commitment! Let us meet in the heart of Jesus! Peace!

                           ©Michele L. Catanese

* First, a chorepiscopus is a rank in the Maronite church just below a bishop, translated as “country bishop.” A good way to understand this is to think of a chorepiscopus as an assistant bishop.
- It might help to begin knowing St. Charbel better by considering some sayings he often repeated: “Begin nothing on earth unless it has its end in heaven.” And, “You exist in this world to give and to serve.” You can find more at https://aleteia.org/2025/12/01/why-is-st-charbel-depicted-with-his-eyes-closed/
- About the Pope’s visit to St. Charbel’s tomb: https://aleteia.org/2025/12/04/4-attitudes-taught-by-st-charbel-according-to-pope-leo-xiv/

​** There are numerous instances in the Gospels of Jesus asking recipients of His miracles to keep quiet, but an instance of note is when Jesus healed the paralytic who was lowered through the roof by his friends. Jesus said, “Child, your sins are forgiven” and only after the uproar (created by the scribes who were present) did Jesus heal the man physically. He then addressed the crowd saying, “Which is easier to say… ‘Your sins are forgiven, or to say, ‘Rise, pick up your mat and walk’”?  (Mark 2:1-12) This incident is also found in Matthew 9:1-8 and in Luke 5:17-26. I must note that it is often pointed out that Mark wrote the shortest Gospel and that every word he wrote in his succinct style was measured and of importance, so it is interesting that of the three Synoptic Gospels, his telling of this healing is the longest. Therefore, it becomes obvious how clearly Mark understood the importance to our Lord of this message concerning the value of our soul!​

Images:
1. My photo; New Mexico sky.
2. Photo; St. Charbel Maklouf; Wikimedia Commons, public domain.
3. Painting; Jesus Heals a Paralyzed Man, by James Tissot. Wikimedia Commons. This image was uploaded by the Brooklyn Museum as a content partnership, and is considered to have no known copyright restrictions by the institutions of the Brooklyn Museum. Note: While the Brooklyn Museum cannot make an absolute statement on copyright status for legal reasons, it supports and encourages the Wikimedia community in researching and applying the copyright status tag that is most appropriate for their purposes.
4. My photo; hikers on a trail in Lost Maples Natural Area, Vanderpool, Texas.
5. Icon; Nuestro Salvador de las Sandias, by Fr. William Hart McNichols. If you desire to purchase this icon in one of many available mediums, go to ​fineartamerica.com/featured/nuestro-salvador-de-las-sandias-012-william-hart-mcnichols.html.

Note: In compliance with GDPR rules, I wish to make it clear that I do not gather any information on any of my readers at any time.